yo i ain’t saying she’s a gold-digger but she does carry a weird pan everywhere and keep mumbling stuff about “gold in them there hills” idk so yeah she is probably a gold digger
Photo reblogged from with 330,267 notes
well he really should have worn more protective clothing if he didn’t want that to happen
sounds to me like he was asking for it
Are we really sure he was actually shot and decapitated? Idk, sounds like something he would’ve made up. Guys make false decapitation accusations all the time, you know.
If he didn’t want to be decapitated, he shouldn’t have worn a shirt that showed off his neck
I mean, not all woman decapitate people. I’m not like that.
If you’re comparing 5sos to green day and blink 182 I will find you and I will squirt lemons in your eyes
Photoset reblogged from with 388,662 notes
This is beautiful. And on the topic of sleepovers and kids getting stuck in uncomfortable situations: My mom and I had a code, ever since my first sleepover. I would always call home to say goodnight, and if I asked “How is the cat doing?”, it meant that I wasn’t comfortable and I wanted her to pick me up. I did use this code a few times, and whenever I did, my mom came up with the excuses for me. I was never stuck at a sleepover I didn’t want to be at - and as a child with anxiety and social phobia, this was a great system.
posts like these are the reason i love tumblr
Once, I was at a friend’s birthday party, and they began to play strip poker and 7 minutes in heaven and immature stuff like that. I am the biggest virgin that you’ve ever known, so I pretended like my phone was vibrating, punched in my mom’s speed dial, and when she answered, I said “Hey mom, whatcha need? *Pause* oh, okay. So I have to come home now? Yeah, sorry, I’ll clean my room right when I get there. *pause* ten minutes? Okay, that works. See ya.” and she understood exactly what I wanted, and she came and picked me up, and even scolded me in front of my friends for ‘not cleaning my room’. I’ve used this so many times, it isn’t funny. My mom is so understanding each time.
And now I must hug my mother and post 5 million mom appreciation posts.
im in one of those periods in my life where i cant focus on anything i cant finish an assignment i cant listen to one song for more than 5 seconds i cant sit through a tv show episode i cant finish a book i cant write a story
all i can do is stare blankly at the wall and wish i had something to do but everything i could do or want to do is just supremely unsatisfying
SOMEONE PUT IT IN WORDS THANKS YOU
Hey kids this is a symptom of depression
Post reblogged from with 168,251 notes
It’s 2089. all cops have been replaced by genetically modified dogs that let children pet them, help old ladies cross the street, chase down criminals, never eat donuts, bark at cat-callers, analyze dna, easily track down murders, pee on white collar criminals, and tear the faces off of rapists. utopia has been reached.
How was this accomplished you ask?
Well its simple
Dogs are colorblind
“I got both of them from local shelters. When I got her in 2006, the staff told me she was a shepherd husky. I go to the dog park, I’m meeting people with shepherd husky mixes, and they look nothing like her. I get in my car, I’m driving, I look in the rearview mirror, I see these eyes and I’m like, I’ve got a wolf in my car. Then, when she was 10-months old, there was a shepherd breeder and trainer in the dog park, and at the end of the lesson, the trainer came up to me and asked, ‘What kind of dog is that?’ And I’m thinking, Shepherd husky. You should know, you are a breeder. She said, ‘That’s a wolf.’”
Thats mildly hilarious
'i write sins not tragedies' came out in 2005 nine years ago and i only just realized that they need to close the god damn door because she was cheating on her husband with the door open
riddle me this atheists: if god isn’t real then who is inside the kleenex box pushing up the next tissue
Page 1 of 928